I’ve not written a word for awhile because I just wasn’t compelled to do so. I have been in a state of tranquility mixed in with some turmoil since life always has the upper hand on what happens from moment to moment.
It’s been a year to the day that we lost our dear beloved cat Grizzabella, and there isn’t a morning that goes by that I don’t think about her. Following a very quiet Holiday Season in 2018 into 2019, my spirit was apprehensive as it was waiting for the “other shoe to drop” and sure enough it did. Grizzie had an embolism which resulted in our having to euthanize one of the most precious animals I’d ever known. She was beloved by my husband and she so loved him, and our home had a definitive sadness that just would not lift. She had an impact on us in so many ways, and we were and continue to be devastated. I am very grateful that we still have our other sixteen year old feline Autumn who never leaves my side; I hold on to every moment I get to spend with her.
I know that losing a cat shouldn’t be such a big deal, but those gifts that come in furry packages have that constant unconditional love and gratitude which is a wonder to behold.
I am not a fan of the words “positivity” and “closure”! They are pointless little combinations of letters when it comes to grief, and dealing with daily life struggles. All my life I have heard both words expressed either directly or at someone who has suffered a very tragic loss, and it really riles me. When it comes to trying to recover a little piece of your heart and soul; I truly believe one never gets the wounds completely healed, and there are always scars that remind one of the moment the wound occurred. The only thing one can do is to take those wounds, and try to learn the lessons from the experience.
I am so grateful that Spring will finally arrive with the green and steady perennials pushing up through the soil reaching into my sad heart. They miraculously lift it up and re-ignite one’s strength to keep moving forward. I am anticipating the beauty of all the naturalized blue and pink forget-me-nots, lily of the valley, and trilliums that will bring much needed light into my life, and even though we are still in the throes of Winter; take a moment to see the Blessings around you.
Life’s battles still give glorious victories; blue skies, musical chimes singing in the breeze, little sweet birds and those crazy bold squirrels around and on a bird feeder, and the unconditional love from those who are always there for you.
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